Monday, March 26, 2012

Very Unskilled Labor

     My plan this weekend was to make a needed trip to Lowes on Saturday morning and then stay in the whole weekend to work on my kitchen walls.
     Saturday went great. I painted the chair rail, baseboards, trim, a door, and the bottom part of the walls. I had embarassed my brother so many times with my painting skills that he took it upon himself to teach me how to do it correctly a few years ago. Thank God for that. At least I did the painting part pretty good.
     But Sunday, oh how I regret Sunday. I had found several rolls of textured wallpaper nice and cheap at Goodwill  that I thought would look so good on the top part of the walls. I had never hung wallpaper but my mom did so I figured if she could do it so could I. I watched a youtube video about it and even made a visit to I was ready for action.
     I measured and trimmed and smoothed and worked till I was ready to collapse. It was HARD, really hard. While I was doing it I was thinking that hanging wallpaper would be a good punishment for people in Hell. Then of course my next thought was Oh Lord forgive me I'm sure people in Hell would love to be able to hang wallpaper. Yep, that's how strange my mind works sometimes.
     Fast forward to the end result: the most horrible workmanship you could ever imagine. I could have hired a couple of mentally handicapped (because retarded is an offensive term) monkeys and gotten better results. Bubbles, seams, tears - anyway you can mess up wallpaper is what I did. My friend Amanda Clyburn owns Bless This House. I have new respect for her. She will not want to hire me anytime soon. Or anytime at all.
     So, I went to bed to rest and think about what to do. I was hoping that a good nights sleep would help me think of a solution. The longer I tried to sleep, the more frantic I became. So at 12:30, I got back up and ripped every last bit of it down. I thought about taking a picture first to share with you on here but I was just too embarassed. Went back to bed utterly defeated but finally slept.
    I still have the top part of those walls to deal with. I wish I could take the day off to work on them but the world of  Ebay calls. Thank God my buyers were buying like crazy while I was making my mess. At least I will have some more money to spend at Lowes so I can try again.
     Hopefully my finished work will be good enough to tell you about and maybe even a picture. But if you don't hear from me about it again, well, you will know what happened. Now I am off to hang my head low while I drag all that wallpaper out to the curb for the trash pick up. Neighbors, if you see me out there in my driveway, please just pretend you don't know what's going on. I need time to regain my dignity.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Mrs. Johnson, You're Wearing Your Dresses Way Too High

     And it's reported you been drinkin and a runnin round with men and going wild.

     I've been listing some old record albums (not mine, wish I still had mine) on Ebay and it has brought back so many memories.
     When I was in fifth grade, the music teacher said every kid had to get up and sing a song in front of the whole class or else they would get an F. She said we could pick any song we wanted. So yes, I got up and sang Harper Valley PTA. She just sat there kind of dumbfounded. She couldn't say anything because she had said ANY song. And she couldn't give me an F either. Want to hear it just one more time for giggles and kicks?
      And speaking of albums, one of the albums I bought with my own money was K.C. and The Sunshine Band. The featured song was "Shake Your Booty". My mom said that was not a very nice song for a Christian girl to listen to. Here is that one, it will make you dance in your computer chair:
     One more I can't leave out when discussing records: The Telephone Man. I cannot BELIEVE my mom bought me that one when I asked for it but she did. She must have thought I didn't understand what it meant. Or maybe SHE didn't understand. Which would not surprise me at all. Because I must have been 30 years old when I had to explain to her what it meant to "moon" somebody. She had never heard of it. She said "Well who would ever do that?" Here are the telephone man lyrics:

Doo lolly lolly shicky boo shicky bum

Monday, April 25, 2011

My Trip To The Nail Salon: Is This Normal?

     Brianne, Caitlyn, and I went to a nail salon Saturday to get pedicures, and I'm not sure if the things that happened there were normal or not. It was only my second time getting a pedicure, and only my second visit to a nail salon.
     The technician lady who did mine sat me down and said "Honey you want deluxe pedicure?" I said "I don't know what that is.". She said "Honey you want deluxe. It best for you. You like. It make your skin soft.". So I got a deluxe pedicure, which I soon found out means a pedicure up to your knees, not just your feet.
     Part way through, she got out a cheese grater and put some gel on it and started scrubbing the bottom of my feet with it. I'm serious, this was just a regular cheese grater like is in your kitchen cabinet, not some specialized piece of equipment.
     Then she said "You want eyebrow?" I said "No thank you, just a pedicure." She said "Honey you need. I do. You like." I just laughed and said "No, that's o.k." So then after she was finished with my toenails, I was heading to the dryer chair when she stopped me and said "You sit here". So I sat down and she said "Lean back head. I do eyebrow. It best for you. I do. You like." I quietly obeyed.
     So that's how I came to totally involuntarily get my eyebrows waxed. I'm blond and never had much in the way of eyebrows anyway but I do try to keep them shaped. Apparently I was not doing a thorough job. I guess I needed it, they do look better.
     But was this a normal visit?

Sunday, January 30, 2011

My Book Suggestions

     Here it is winter time and me without a book! Since I don't have one to read right now, I decided to make a list for you of ones that I have read and enjoyed in the past. I like mostly fiction but no romance and no horror.
   I have waded through LOTS of books that didn't pull me in or keep my interest. Seems like about one out of five is a winner.
   If you have some favorites of your own, please list them below so that I can try them.

Here is my list although I'm sure I have left some out and will not think of them until after I publish this:

The Girls by Lori Lansens
Rush Home Road by Lori Lansens
Drowning Ruth by Christina Shwarz
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb
House of Sand And Fog by Andres Dubus
Midwives by Chris Bohalian
Icy Sparks by Gwyn Hyman Rubio
Gap Creek by Robert Morgan
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
The Oath by Frank Peretti
Monster by Frank Peretti
Whistling In The Dark by Lesley Kagen
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
Jewel by Brett Lott
Queen by Alex Hailey
The Thirteenth Tale by Dianne Setterfield
Pilgrim by Timothy Findley
Girls In Trouble by Caroline Leavitt
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Gilead:A Novel by Marilynne Robinson
Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen
Little Bee by Chris Cleave
A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick
Peace Like a River by Leif Enger
The Glass Castle: A Memoir by Jeanette Walls (true story, excellent)
One Thousand White Women: The Journals of May Dodd by Jim Fergus
Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier

Friday, January 14, 2011

The Torture That Is Called Pilates

    I've been walking two miles a day on the treadmill in 40 minutes and lately my legs have really been hurting. I thought maybe I was overdoing the treadmill and should try something different. And then I remembered I had a Windsor Pilates video I had never used. Soooo........
     I moved the coffee table, put the tape in the VCR and got in the floor because apparently all Pilates have to be done on the floor. The first thing the instructor explained to me was that I was to remember at all times to constantly try to make my belly button pulled in so hard it would touch my spine. Now considering how far apart those two are on me, that would be quite a stretch if not a downright miracle.
     Then I started to try all these things that you had to do 10 repetitions each of. My body had never done any of these things and was not happy with my efforts.
     Not to mention that Kyle's dog Pip decided to "help" me. He was very concerned about me being in the floor. So the whole time I was rolling my fat body around trying to do these impossible exercises, Pip was barking, licking my face, and snapping at my hands.
     On days that Kyle works in the Beckley area, he pops in about five times throughout the day to use the computer. I was so hoping that this was a Boone County day. If he had walked in, I would have never heard the end of it. Lucky me, Kyle did not show up before I finally hauled myself up off of that floor twenty minutes later.
     Although I failed to be able to do about 70% of the excercises, the instructor assured  me that if I keep it up daily I will see results "soon". I did not realize how "soon" that would be.
     Kyle and Dylan wanted to go see The Green Hornet tonight. Not interested in that at all but not wanting to be left totally out, I decided to tag along but instead go by myself to watch "The Dilemma".
Great movie. I realized tonight that Vince Vaughn has a really pretty mouth. Not many men have pretty mouths.
     Anyway, I sat there mesmerized by Vince's perfectly shaped lips for 110 minutes. When it ended, I wanted to get up quickly and get out of everybody's way because the theater was packed. When I stood up, my abdominal muscles and thighs nearly threw me in the floor. They were so sore and jelly-like I nearly panicked. Then I remembered my exciting morning of Pilates. Wow, I didn't know you could get sore that quick.
      Will I try again? Absolutely, I plan to. But not until Monday because now it's the weekend and Kyle will be here. And you'd better believe that Pip will be the only one to ever witness my humiliation.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A 44 year old's earliest memories of Beckley area businesses

Some of my best early memories are of stores in and around Beckley.

     I remember an ice cream parlor in the old Beckley Plaza Mall that had wrought iron tables and chairs.
     I remember a little store on Prince Street called Leed's.
     I remember the big staircase uptown at Grant's.
     I remember there being an elevator operater in JC Penney, and the way the cashiers had to send your payment up a tube to an office because they weren't trusted to handle cash. Also there was always a big display in there of Brownie and Girl Scout clothes.
     I remember what Ben Franklin's at Sophia smelled like inside, and do I remember correctly that they had uneven or slanted floors? I know for sure they were hardwood.
     I remember parking behind Hub and Vogue and then walking up through the alley to get to the stores.
     I remember how noisy the restaurant was inside GC Murphy, it sounded like a constant clashing of silverware. We ate their often. I remember my parents ordering me fried shrimp and the first time I ate the tails because I didn't know any better. I continued to eat the tails each time after that because it made them laugh.
    I remember how pizza from Amy's in Crab Orchard tasted and looked. You could see grease setting right on top of it. But is was delicious.
     We ate at King Tut's, Phil's, Shoney's, and Murphy's. Never Pete and Bobs.  There was a jukebox inside Phil's and my parents would give us money to put in it so we could play "The Streak". And how hard I would giggle over "It's me again, Margaret"
Do you share any of these memories?